'Cabbies at the Train'

I heard this story in the waiting room of the train station in Lowell, Mass., where two cab drivers were talking while they waited for the Boston train to pull in. 


Cabbies at the Train

“I had a guy, picked him up at Shaughnessy Terrace,

Asked to go to Papa Gino’s in Burlington to see a guy—

So, I take him, and when we get there he says,

‘The guy inside’ll cash my check so I can pay you.’

'Oh, beautiful,' I say, and follow him in—

He says, ‘What are you doing?’

'I’m making sure you pay me.'

He says I'll come right out, which he does.

‘He won’t cash the check.’

Guy now owes me thirty-four bucks.

I figure he made his sale inside and wants to go home.

‘Take me to my mother’s in Lowell. She’ll pay you.’

Okay, back to the city, another thirty-four bucks.

Now he owes me sixty-eight bucks.

Get to his mother’s house where it’s total chaos.

She’s yelling at me, ‘No money, no money!’

Kids are screaming. She’s hollering at the guy.

He tells me, ‘Take me to my friend’s in the Highlands.

He owes me money that I can get tonight.’

So we go. He’s up to owing me seventy-five bucks.

He gets out near Cupples Square, says, ‘It’s right here.’

I stop and watch him go to a doorway—and then he runs off!

Voom! I pull out and chase him with the cab.

He cuts across a parking lot, and I stop and jump out

Right after calling the police on my radio.

I catch him and proceed to beat the piss out of him

Until the cruiser pulls up with lights flashing and siren.

Cops said they were sorry, but couldn’t do much for me

Since he owed me less than a hundred-fifty bucks.

I heard in New Hampshire you can get a guy pinched

If he even beats you out of five bucks.”